Advice from Babe to Babe

Check the date—it’s officially 2020. 2019 gave us a lot of things (some of which we’re only talking about in therapy), and one of which is the first full year of “Asking for a Friend” columns—51 pages of the Babes Who Hustle advice gurus answering burning questions from you, and for you.

To celebrate AFF’s maturity, we took a look through the entire AFF archive for the three most popular Q&As to ever hit our servers. They’re republished for you here, along with never-before-seen answers from our community.

Looking for advice in the new year? Drop us a line.

AFF Chapter 3:

QUESTION:

My boss is very busy. How can I approach them with questions and requests, without being annoying?

ADVICE:

This depends on what you're approaching them about and what type of boss they are, but my general rule of thumb is to schedule time with them on their calendar. That way you get the attention you need for that time period and your boss won't (or shouldn't) be too distracted because it was already allotted into their busy day. Use that time wisely. The more clear and concise the information, the better. They will feel more productive and you get what you need. But if you do decide to spontaneously pop in for something, do it confidently! Don't let the fact that they are too busy intimidate you into not asking for the time that you need/deserve.

—Kate Pierson

Speaking as a boss who is too busy, I agree with the calendar invite. I have a weekly touch base with my team every Tuesday. It’s the same time every week so it’s easier for me to just treat it like I would with any reoccurring call/meeting with a client. Perhaps suggest a weekly/biweekly/monthly chat. Come prepped with an agenda.

—Kayla Beckmann Barnhart

With concise, pointed and deliberate requests. (See what I did there?)

—Hillary Kirtland

AFF Chapter 26:

QUESTION:

I don’t have much autonomy in my position. How can I still steal away time for myself (a book chapter or a podcast) while I’m so heavily monitored?

ADVICE:

I’m finding it hard to envision a scenario where I steal away time during the workday other than lunch or a preapproved break. My best advice here is probably to find another job. Micromanagement is toxic, at best and down right debilitating at worst. However, it’s important to remember you signed up for this job and it’s your responsibility to set appropriate boundaries (or find a new line of work). I had friends who worked in call centers, where even their bio breaks were clocked as out of the office, and that time didn’t count towards their eight-hour day. That can be draining on some people. I’d say explore the boundaries you can set for yourself at work, or find a new place to work if you don’t jive well with that office culture.

—Hillary Kirtland

If you feel like you're being heavily monitored it's probably just not in the cards to get any of that done during the day, which is fair since that time of day is work.

—Olivia Wilson

Work is not time for yourself. If you have a position, without much autonomy, then your time needs to be spent focused on work. Squeeze your podcast or reading in on your meal break, or wait until you're not working to do those things. I feel it does no favors to fluff it up. We are under enough scrutiny as women, and we're asking for awareness of and improvement upon the pay gap- the last thing we need is to be slacking on the job.

—Julie Lanka

Work is for work. Your employer is paying you for (I’m assuming) eight hours of your undivided attention. I’m also assuming there is a lunch break and perhaps a 15-minute break nested around that. That’s when you do your things (and after work, too).

—Meaghan Timko

And finally, AFF Chapter 59, with the clap backs heard ‘round the world:

QUESTION:

I make more money than my boyfriend, and he can’t deal. What should I do?

ADVICE:

Without knowing how long you’ve been together, if you live together, etc., remember that it is not your responsibility to reframe someone’s mindset if they solely subscribe to traditional gender roles. With that said, ask him if he’s proud of you and all the work you’ve done to earn your income. If the answer is anything but “Of course,” the man could be harboring toxic jealousy. He could also be frustrated with his own career path or lack of. Encourage him to find what makes him thrive.

—Catalina Alers-Alers

Break up with him. If your partner uses your success against you, you deserve better.

—Molly Slicker

Money is hard, and it's harder when there is inequality. I would suggest trying to get to the root of why he can't deal. Does it bring up feelings of inadequacy or stir up concern about equality? If you can identify why, that might help you figure out how to work through it together. (Or you could also choose to move on to someone more comfortable.)

—Amanda Handley

Just throw the whole boy away.

—Kayla Beckmann Barnhart