Asking For a Friend | Chapter 52
Advice from Babe to Babe
Today we’re celebrating one year of Asking For a Friend! In Chapter 52, you’ll find our five most popular questions and answers from our BWH advice gurus. Dig in, enjoy, and keep the Qs coming, babes!
Ugh, it’s so annoying when you venture on your own and suddenly everyone’s pretending to be an entrepreneurial expert. I like to say: “I appreciate it, but I think I’ve got it under control! I’ll let you know if I need help with that.” Obviously stay polite—you really never know whose help you’ll need in the future.
—Hurley Winkler, Contributor + BABE #113
Two words: Cool, thanks!
I’m going to go KonMari on you for a second. It’s kind of like when someone gives you a gift. They gave you the gift because they thought it would make you happy in some sense. That’s along the same lines of why they’re giving you advice. They’re trying to be helpful. Once said gift (or advice) has been given, they’ve done their part and achieved their goal. Therefore, whatever you do with it after that is up to you. Either display it, store it away or throw it away. But the only response needed is a “cool, thanks!” Even if it’s through gritted teeth.
—Kayla Beckmann Barhart, BABE #85 + Contributor
When I first started my company a decade ago, people offered all sorts of advice. Some I took, some I didn't, and a lot I really wish I had. Looking back now, if I could speak the answer to this question to the young, eager entrepreneur struggling to make a name for herself, I'd say this: Look at the person offering those pearls of wisdom. Are they accomplished? Are they successful? Do they want the best for you? If the answer is yes to any of those things, listen. The people who have walked this before you have made mistakes and learned valuable lessons. The worst that can happen is you spend a moment receiving the sincere attention of someone who legitimately wants to help you. The best that can happen is you gain knowledge, perspective, understanding—and you grow.
—Meaghan Timko, BABE #4 + Contributor
Yes and no. It’s too early if you’re leaving for something your current employer could offer you, but it’s never too early to make a decision that’s better for your life.
Give your current employer the chance to match the benefits of your new offer. Say something like: “An offer came through from the last time I was applying to jobs. I hadn’t been expecting it or even looking to make a switch, but this offer would be great for my schedule and gives me more of the work experience I’ve been looking for. I know I’ve only been here three months, but would this be something you could match? I don’t want to leave if I could have the same opportunity and schedule here.”
If the answer is no, then they can’t blame you for leaving. If the answer is yes, get more details (and get them in writing) on what exactly your current employer could offer. Sincerely weigh your options, and then make a decision from there. At the end of the day, your current employer may not like having to find someone new so quickly, but the truth is that things happen. As long as you’ve given your current employer the chance to match the offer (if they can), I wouldn’t sacrifice a better schedule or cultural fit just because you feel you owe your current job more time.
—Hillary Kirtland, Contributor
I think people get so stuck on the "I have to be at a job for at least a year" thing. We're millennials. We're agile. We pivot. We make ends meet. We try to get ahead. Do what's best for you.
—Kayla Beckmann Barhart, BABE #85 + Contributor
If it works better for you, take it! I think unless you have a long history of job-hopping, the arbitrary “one-year minimum” (or whatever) thing is outdated. If it brings you more happiness in your day-to-day, it’s worth the switch.
—Thais Lage, BABE #151
This happened on my personal account after the women’s march when my sign for the march was popular. I personally chose not to respond, but I didn’t delete either. The way I see it, if someone feels passionately enough to comment hatefully on someone’s post or page, engaging with them on social media isn’t going to change their opinion and will probably do more damage than good. For my own peace of mind, I chose to protect my emotional space and let them say what they wanted while it fell on deaf ears. In the end, the positive outweighed the negative.
—ANONYMOUS
Don't engage. Don't respond. Don't feed the trolls. They're looking to get a rise out of you, and you deflate their power when you don't justify them with one.
—ANONYMOUS
I own a social media agency, and I tell my clients (and they agree) that all hateful comments will be deleted and if the problem persists, that person will be blocked. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
There’s definitely a fine line. I’d recommend deleting and/or blocking anything outright hateful. Then perhaps having a super short and simple prefabricated response for anything that you feel doesn’t warrant a delete but needs to be addressed. For example, “We respect everyone’s opinion, though yours doesn’t represent our own. We won’t be offended if you choose not to follow or interact with us”.
But at the end of the day, it’s YOUR page, therefore you create the space you want there. If you’re being triggered on a daily basis by comments, then that’s not healthy for you or your fans. You may even want to consider adding a disclaimer to your bio or the end of your captions that says something along the lines of “I created this space and art to band humans together. Any and all negative comments will not be tolerated.”
—ANONYMOUS
With a small office, it’s important to make sure everyone feels included. I’d steer clear of happy hours, as they can actually end up alienating certain coworkers, and instead focus on loosely structured team-building activities. Look at volunteer opportunities you and your team can take advantage of together, or work on a project for the office together. At my office, we actually had a potting workshop and planted succulents in handmade planters for our desks. I’ll admit there was some wine involved, but it was a great bonding opportunity and I’m reminded of our fun together every time I see the planter at my desk!
—Mandy Shold, Contributor + BABE #154
I started a biweekly internal newsletter that shared office news like birthdays and work anniversaries, in addition to any company-wide updates from HR. It was an easy way to celebrate the little things and make our remote team feel more included.
—Kate Pierson, Contributor
This may seem so trivial, but having a bowl of candy in my office has done wonders for morale. Everyone knows they can come in and grab a Twix, and they don’t have to say anything to me—or, they can open a bag of M&M’S and sit down for a chat.
—Jody Joynt, BABE #41
I sit adjacent to the office manager, who has a bowl of candy on her desk. It's crazy how often everyone in the office stops by to grab a piece of candy and take a chit-chat break. I feel like I would hardly know my coworkers if it weren't for the candy bowl luring them over; small breaks turning into causal get-to-know-you conversations.
—Alexi Strong Gonzalez, Contributor
Here are the basic steps I followed when I made my career switch from yacht insurance to change management consulting:
Find people you have something in common with who are doing what you want to do. Look at the companies you aspire to on Linkedin and then poke around their employee base and see who you might have something in common with.
Once you find someone, try to “connect” with them, but customize the request message so it shows you’re reaching out with a clear and direct request. Something like, “I’m making a career switch to “X” and saw we have “Y” in common. Would you have 15 to 20 minutes to talk to me about your experiences in your field?”
Don’t forget all the standard follow-ups and thank-you notes. Not all of these will turn into mentors, but taking all the right steps will ensure you set yourself up for success should you and someone click.
—Hillary Kirtland, Contributor
I'd check out meetups, affinity groups related to the career or general career or networking groups focused on your desired field. It's less targeted than sending a cold LinkedIn email to someone, plus you can meet multiple people and understand your chemistry together and their expertise better before asking for full-on mentorship.
—Ashlie Johnson Coggins, Contributor
I like the keep this kind of stuff casual (and like when people keep it casual with me). Shoot the person you want to connect with an email and just be like: “Hey, I think you’re awesome. I’m inspired by your work. I want to respect your time, but I’d love to grab coffee or schedule a 30-minute Zoom chat.” Or some variation of that, depending on the level of professionalism that seems appropriate.
—Kayla Beckmann Barhart, BABE #85 + Contributor
Until Next Week,
—THE BWH ADVICE GURUS
Asking for a Friend is Babes Who Hustle's weekly advice column that asks and answers the work-related questions on all of our minds. Looking for advice and guidance? Hit us with all of your questions below and stay tuned for next Wednesday's edition!
