Asking For a Friend | Chapter 75
Advice from Babe to Babe
Beyoncé and Jay-Z. Bill and Melinda Gates. The Clintons. You don’t become a power couple by staying in your own lanes; these duos (and countless others) built empires together, working side-by-side as founders, owners, and spouses.
Sure, there are the Elizabeth Taylors and Richard Burtons of the working world—impossible, combustible matches whose vocations and relations are lines that should never intersect. But as our gurus explain below, it’s totally possible to have a successful working relationship with your partner. A few important things have to fall into place—but we’ll let them explain that.
Many couples do go into business together, so it’s possible—but definitely not right for everyone. You have to take a long, hard look at your relationship and imagine how a business may affect it. Do your values and goals align? Will you be able to separate your work and professional lives to put the best foot forward in both realms? Joys and challenges will be amplified when there’s a business involved. Before you make the decision, try to find some other couples who own businesses together to bounce ideas off of.
Establish roles and responsibilities early on. Write down job descriptions for each other to manage expectations from the get-go. Decide who makes which types of decisions on their own and which decisions have to be made as a couple/business partners. Establish a minimum spending limit for how much you can spend without checking in with each other. Lastly, establish a work schedule for times that you’re working and times that you’re not, and avoid business talk at the dinner table.
Yes, it's a terrible idea. But yes, you can do it and it can be great. Let me explain: My husband and I have worked together in various contexts our entire relationship. We literally met in a meeting, then have worked at production companies, magazines, and ad agencies together, and he's now my client. After seven years, we're really good at it, but it took patience and boundaries.
When we first started working and living together we quickly realized there needed to be set boundaries. For us, that meant that once we came home from work we were allowed to talk about work for 30 minutes. After that, nothing about work. We don't have the same rule now, but it helped us establish a difference between being colleagues and being partners. That becomes more natural after time.
Now, you may not like this part, but I highly recommend it: You need to get a pre(post)nup or a legal business agreement. Think of it as insurance. You may never ever use it, but it's there if you need it.
Last piece of advice: Before embarking on your venture, you two need to decide that your relationship is the most important thing. So, if being in business together is wrecking your relationship, then one or both of you have to be OK with leaving it behind for the health of your relationship.
Ultimately, I love working with my husband. The same reasons I married him are the same reasons I love working with him. Just set some boundaries, have an exit plan, and give it a go!
I don't think it is a terrible idea to work with your spouse as long as there is faith, respect, and trust in each other; good communication; and clearly defined and agreed roles for each of you, so you guys aren't stepping on each other's toes and boundaries about when it’s work time and when it’s family time.
I think the important thing is not starting a business with your spouse just because it sounds good, but because you work well together, communicate, and respect and value what each other brings to the table as business partners.
I can say from experience that if your relationship is tense or stressed in any way, adding a business to it is a terrible idea. Power dynamic issues escalate, and with employees, now you have an audience. A business together can be a fun, creative venture, don’t get me wrong. But plan on therapy, and keep your relationship the priority (that gets harder when you have salaries depending on you).
Years ago my hubby and I worked together. (This was pre-kids!) We literally woke up together, ate breakfast, lunch and dinner, and then hung out together. I am probably in the minority, but we loved it. We did have separate house-offices so we would separate into our own “cubicle” and then walk into our office if we needed anything. He recently got laid off, and I would literally be in heaven if this was our scenario again (especially now that we have kids).
Oh, man, marriage and business. The short answer is ... maybe? Like anything, partnering up with a spouse in business can be amazing. Or, it can be catastrophic. I think at the core the question is this: how (well) do you and your person communicate? How do you communicate under stress and pressure? How do conversations around money go? How do big decisions in your household get made? Do either of you struggle with work addiction? If the answer to these Qs is that you communicate well, you can talk about money with relative ease, you make decisions well together, and you can maintain a personal relationship that doesn’t get eaten up by work, then you’re golden. Working with a significant other can be divine. If the answers to these Qs feel sticky, maybe flesh them out with your man before taking the next step.
Until Next Week,
—The BWH Advice Gurus
Asking for a Friend is Babes Who Hustle's weekly advice column that asks and answers the work-related questions on all of our minds.
Looking for advice and guidance? Hit us with all of your workplace-related questions below and stay tuned for next Wednesday's edition!
