by Geri Bernard

Author’s note: Time has now been stamped with a new label: pre- or post-pandemic. Pre-pandemic—March 2020, to be exact—I submitted the below article on loneliness and entrepreneurialism. Am I psychic? Maybe. Or it’s a subject that was so real to me even before the entire world was forced to reckon with a new way of life. As time paused, so did this article. When it resurfaced a few months ago, I realized now more than ever how many people this applies to, and how deep the meaning is for much more than just my fellow entrepreneurs.  

In my effort to re-work what I wrote pre-pandemic, I realized that while some of the key features—like the ability to be as communal/social in person—may not be possible depending on the regulations where you live, the key components remain glaringly spot on. I think that’s because the core emotion of loneliness hasn’t changed in the two years since I initially wrote about it—only the amount of people who can relate has. Therefore, below is my original article, written in 2020, followed by 2022 reflections.

March 2020

In the pursuit of becoming your own boss or a work-from-home maven, there are a plethora of books, podcasts, and high-quality education to help you make all the right decisions. Something they don’t prepare you for? The loneliness that comes with the job.

Don’t get me wrong, being a boss babe has its perks. I am enormously grateful to have the freedom to make my own schedule and decisions, but there is also a less glamorous side to entrepreneurialism that can get overlooked and is rarely discussed.

When you are the one making all of the decisions on a daily basis about every aspect of your business, it can easily become exhausting and lonely. And in trying to market your business and be a good leader, there is this unspoken pressure to present your best self—someone who always has it “all together.” When you feel some mental and/or emotional effects, like anxiety and depression, which can take a toll on your overall health, there is nowhere to go.

I also started to realize the loneliness I was experiencing couldn't be balanced out by the plus side of entrepreneurialism. Benefits like letting my internal alarm wake me up instead of hitting the snooze button, taking my dog for a walk on a beautiful day, or running errands on a random day of the week instead of the crowd rush on the weekend. After a while, the positive aspects can easily fade if you’re avoiding the root problem. There isn’t an amount of easy erranding or dog walks that can change the reality that you’re lacking real human connection.

Being the type of person who reads psychology books for fun (no really, I’m a self-proclaimed nerd and current favorites on my bookshelf are It Didn't Start With You, Dodging Energy Vampires, Attached and Dare to Lead), I wanted to understand more about the isolation I was feeling from being a business owner. It was also important to make the key distinction between loneliness and being alone. Alone time is important, but too much can have a negative result. As someone who believes we lead by example, I knew it wasn’t long before the effects of the job would wear on me and not be a sustainable or an enjoyable way to keep going. What’s the point of trying to make your work/life aspirational dreams come true if at the end of the night you’re feeling alone in them?

March 2022 Update:

For curious readers like myself who love trading titles. My current bedside favorites have new additions such as Heart Talk, No Mud No Lotus, Triggers, Find Your Artistic Voice, Clarity & Connection, and Atlas of the Heart. The general theme of this shelf is all about understanding your behavior, voice, heart, and emotional world to build connection within, which, over the last two years, has served as a big lesson around how to be alone vs. lonely.

A few key go-tos have kept my loneliness in check over the years, and for anyone currently reading this in their PJs working from home who feel some resonance, these tips might be just the key to unlocking how to get back on track.

Work from a coffee shop or co-working space

One of my favorite ways to immediately feel less isolated, and a fun way to change the atmosphere, is to find a working space outside home. While working from home is comfortable, it’s easy to get distracted and forget about making connections during office hours. I like to find a space that’s a sensory uplifter—a place that has good lighting, smells, sounds, and just enough people watching to keep me intrigued but not distracted. You could also use work breaks as a way to meet your fellow coffee shop office “co-workers.” Even simply locking eyes with a genuine smile is known to increase endorphins in your brain.

March 2022 update:

This tip can still apply to some, but for those that don’t have the option of going to a brick-and-mortar location, you can create your own convenient digital co-working space. Gather with like-minded entrepreneurs or friends that also work remotely, and build time in to create the office vibe without the physical office. With a quick search on virtual coworking spaces, you can find several alternatives to pre-pandemic options.

Network with a purpose 

Networking is an integral part of a thriving business, but not all networking is created equal. Especially when trying to find a way to connect, it’s so important to be selective about the events you attend. While some events are spent giving a 30-second elevator speech over truly getting to know your entrepreneurial peers, others like The Rising Tide Society's Tuesday’s Together has chapters all over the world and are all about celebrating collaboration over competition. This is one of many options you can find in your area that may be the perfect fit for you and your needs in a networking group. You can use social media outlets to find a local networking group via events, meetup.com, or even create your own call to action to see if there are any other working self-starters that want to get together. If you can’t find it, start it!

March 2022 update:

Try not only networking with a purpose, but working with one. Knowing your work provides value, and using passion as the driving force behind everything you do, will naturally shift loneliness to connectedness. Knowing what you do matters and impacts others is proven to offer a new perspective and flood out the negative emotions that can come from being alone. In this article, Naina Dhingra mentions, “Nearly seven out of 10 employees are reflecting on their purpose because of COVID-19. Those employees who say that they live their purpose at work are six and a half times more likely to report higher resilience.” The conversation around purpose-driven work has grown and job changes due to the pandemic have grown with it.

Create a conscious self-care routine 

When running your business, it’s incredibly important your mind, body, and spirit are in alignment with what you want your client base to see. Putting care into you is putting care into your business. It’s proven that the better you treat yourself as an entrepreneur, the higher success you have. Self care will translate to not only your overall health and happiness, but support your work stamina and combat loneliness. Whether you focus on making sure you are scheduling in time to exercise, meditate (try Insight Timer), or sleep more, it doesn’t matter what self-care practice you apply as long as you apply it. Creating the routine in the first place gives you a daily boost. Technology is our friend; there are so many apps with a daily dose of interaction, mediation, and inspiration at your fingertips. I like to use Shine for a daily reminder to practice self-care and it’s interactive. If you’re looking for an easy way to start building your routine, try finding an online resource to help you get started.

March 2022 update:

Self care is still a thing, perhaps more important than ever, so remember to rest and have boundaries around work hours, especially when working remotely. When you’re working from home, the lines can easily be blurred. It’s important to make sure there’s space to step away. In 2020, technology was our friend; but here in the future, it may actually sometimes feel more burdensome and overwhelming to keep up with. A digital detox and wellness practices around your phone, computer, and limiting exposure to social media, immediately impacts how you feel about yourself. It’s important to know the distinction between social connection and social comparison, which can creep in with too much scrolling. Dedicating your time to following accounts that support your mental health can decrease comparison and increase productivity.

Find your people 

It’s not so easy to reach out for help when you’re trying to maintain the image of being able to “handle it all” at the same time. The fear of how sharing your challenges will affect your business can be paralyzing. That’s why it’s important to recognize when you notice the need for connection. It’s imperative to your mental health and quality of your work to have support.

This can look like an inner circle of friends you know you can trust, a business support group that has like-minded go-getters, or reaching even deeper and finding a therapist to help you work through the tough moments. Especially if you feel like your loneliness is reaching new lows, there’s no shame in being someone who realizes that “doing it all” is a facade. People need people, so I encourage you to find yours.

March 2022 Update:

Studies have shown that throughout the pandemic, anxiety and depression have only increased. Therapy is an incredible tool to work through deeper issues underneath the surface, and it’s possible a boost of motivation or focused goal setting would be the support you need. As the stigma fades around mental health, the industry has grown, and branches of wellness have expanded with it. A life or business coach may be a perfect fit for if you’re looking to focus on personal growth and how you can change your future.

Get creative

Being in a “work work work” mentality can literally suck you into its vortex and can even make you forget what time is if you’re not careful. It’s no wonder you slip into a loneliness slump, email after email. A way to help with any internal blues is to make sure your environment is stimulating your creative side and keeping you inspired. Make sure you have inspiring content to look at, read, or get motivated by. One thing I like to do is have imagery around me that reminds me of my goals. Vision boarding can be a great way to get clarity on how you feel and what you’re working toward. Sometimes watching a TED talk to get in a different headspace or just looking around on design and idea websites like Pinterest, Etsy, or Society6 can trigger inspiration. Another stimulation tool could be to get outside and soak in the health benefits of nature or make your environment feel cozy and creative with scents like lavender or peppermint, which can be proven to ease stress and boost energy.

March 2022 Update:

Upgrading your environment to stimulate your senses keeps you feeling cozy yet focused, and it’s even more relevant today. With so many companies switching to remote work, the rate of couples having to manage sharing the home workspace is on the rise. Knowing what makes you feel inspired and having your space reflect that is an easy way to transform your atmosphere and push you to get creative. If weather permits, take your remote office outdoors. The simple act of going outside and getting fresh air, or putting your feet on the ground, will center your nervous system, restore focus, and enhance creativity.

All of us want connection. In our tech-driven society, we’re moving further and further away from having the same type of human interaction we used to, and loneliness is on the rise because of it. The reality is we’re all just doing the best we can. We’re all struggling in one way or another, but some of us do a better job with the balancing act. There’s no reason to think you need to go through your entrepreneurial life alone, and you shouldn’t have to feel any shame or fear about letting other people in.

I hope these words offer you comfort in a time where working remotely is the new norm. Solitude and loneliness are different things. You can be alone and not lonely.

My March 2022 self is sighing and smiling at my March 2020 self, knowing pre-pandemic me couldn’t have possibly predicted how the entire world would be changed a short few days after I wrote this. Yet I was clear on one core thread that has traveled from then until now: how deeply we need meaningful connection—with ourselves, with others, and with what we do.

Small business owner, artist, intuitive life coach—Geri is many things, but most of all she lives authentically and helps others to do the same. She began her career owning and operating her own art business, Painting with a Twist, in the historic San Marco neighborhood of her hometown of Jacksonville, FL. Geri has also been devoted to expanding herself by way of continuous self-improvement, and has a passion for conversation and connection. Her latest endeavor, The Glowing Self, helps people find their best selves through her coaching practice using a mental-health and holistic approach. When she’s not slinging paint or doting on her adorable pup, Stella, you can find her supporting local businesses, advocating for causes she believes in, or winning handily at board games. Get a better glimpse at what Geri’s up to at @authentically.gdb and @theglowingself.