Geri Bernard

If you’re an avid people-watcher like me, taking a look around a networking event can seem like an odd place to notice idiosyncrasies; everyone might seem the same. People try to make a good impression by giving their best elevator pitch, wearing a Pinterest-worthy business professional outfit, and optimizing networking through sharing about themselves. If you look hard enough, though, it can be one of the most interesting places to observe—especially if you look behind the scenes and get inside their heads. Most people at these events are high-achievers and, more often than not, plagued by self-doubt, just like the rest of us.

After a short amount of schmoozing, you’ll inevitably receive the question: “And what do you do?” Suddenly, you’ll feel it. You won’t know what you’re talking about—even when you 100% do. Or the same conversations will take place over and over, there will be zero real connection, and the small talk will make you feel small. 

There’s a phrase for that feeling—a trending, buzz-worthy psychological term known as Imposter Syndrome.

I can’t tell you how many networking events I’ve been to over the years where I can almost smell the Imposter Syndrome seeping from everyone's pores. It’s everywhere—and, dare I say—a modern epidemic. In a society driven by social media, how could it not be? We’re constantly bombarded by filters, airbrushing, information overload, and societal pressures to make our marks in the workplace, and generally in life itself. 

I identify with that feeling. 

I’ve been in those situations plenty of times during my career, too. I decided to open a business at 26-years-old, took a leap of faith and had oodles of support and willpower—but I also had a ton of doubt. I’m prone to that pervasive, not-so-kind self-limiting voice that tends to creep in at inopportune moments. Yes, I’m confident in my abilities, but sometimes the success or spotlight can fuel the Imposter Syndrome fire.

“Will anyone notice that I’m just faking it?”
“Do I really even know what I’m doing?”
“What if someone can do this better than me?”

When success happens, that piercing, doubtful voice can actually grow louder, hindering productivity and creativity. If you don’t stop it in its tracks, it can feel like mental quicksand, slowly drowning you. 

But what is it, exactly?

Imposter Syndrome is the fancy diagnosis for the plaguing inner thoughts that take over when we feel insecure, doubtful, or limited in what we can or can’t do. They usually—pretty much always—are completely unfounded. It’s sometimes referred to as “Fraud Syndrome” and most likely affects high-achieving individuals who are typically perfectionists and workaholics.

The comparison culture of seeing others live their online “perfect” lives can be overwhelming, daunting, and breed imposter-driven thoughts that swarm our subconscious. It’s no surprise that researchers have found a correlation to social media and heightened levels of depression and anxiety. When we scroll through Facebook or Instagram, we create an internal juxtaposition, a desire to connect while simultaneously being disconnected from reality. We also create thoughts of inadequacy and a feeling of pressure to compete with the highlight reels. It’s an exhausting exercise that elicits doubt.

The good news? You aren’t alone. 

“It is estimated that 70% of people will experience at least one episode of this phenomenon in their lives,” according to Very Well Mind. Having conversations with yourself seems weird until you realize everyone on the planet does it. It’s the same voice helping you decide whether to order your coffee hot or iced, except it’s your self-limiting monologue instead of a decision-making voice. The one that allows all of your insecurities to rise to the surface.

The overlap of social anxiety and Imposter Syndrome is real—especially in work-related situations like networking events, presentations, or interviews. Remember, though, that even the most competent and well-rounded people in the workplace also wonder how well they’re #adulting on a regular basis—they just do a good job of hiding it.

What I am not here to tell you is to never have these imposter-driven thoughts again. I am a firm believer in “what resists, persists.” Trying to ignore it or bandage it won’t work long-term. Instead, find out where your doubt comes from, reframe it, and take control over your workplace worries that might make you hesitate from seeking that promotion or securing that interview. 

When the doubt creeps in—and it will —use this quick guideline to combat your irksome inner imposter: 

(1) Acknowledge it

The key to facing your imposter is by having the self-awareness to acknowledge the voice. Cozy up to it and have an internal conversation. Realize it’s just your thoughts, it’s just a perception you’re telling yourself, but it’s not definitively you. Remember, you’re not crazy or alone and we all have that voice. You get to decide what to do with it which is what makes all the difference. Own it, get to know it to let go of it.

(2) Understand your “why”

Once you become comfortable having these internal conversations, dig a little deeper. Ask the tough questions. As in, “Why are these thoughts plaguing me in the first place?” “Where did they start?” “Where is this fear coming from?” “How is this serving me?” This tough work helps you get out of the headspace of overwhelm and begins to reframe the way you’re talking to yourself. 

(3) Reframe and shift perspective

Perspective is everything and there’s always a choice to shift it. Once you acknowledge and understand your “why” you can home in on reframing and replacing your beliefs to challenge your imposter. Shift your perspective and eventually the core belief surrounding why you needed the imposter voice in the first place will be less and less present. Once that happens, you will have new tools in your mental toolbox to replace them as they pop up.

(4) Get out of your head and into the room

Imposter Syndrome will sometimes prevent you from doing anything at all. Maybe you aren’t asking for the promotion or taking a chance on the new start-up you’ve always wanted to create. Release the hold and bravely approach whatever it is that scares you. Once you’ve done the first three parts, the next step is action. Face the fear instead of turning away from it. Don’t wait for permission from your imposter to begin or fear of failure will take hold again and cripple your opportunities. Starting somewhere is the key to what makes creativity come to life and the only permission you need to start, is yours.

(5) Be kind to yourself and seek support

Quit the comparison temptation and simply be kind to yourself. Not in a self-help, preachy way, but truly be compassionate. Remember that even the person you admire the most isn’t void of challenges and we’re all struggling in our own way. A great way to get out of your own head is to connect with others. Create a common bond surrounding those pesky thoughts to help let it out and let it go. Internalize your accomplishments instead.

We often hear the phrase, “Fake it ‘til you make it.” As we understand how to combat this modern comparison culture, imposter syndrome epidemic, I think the phrase needs a revamp. 

No more faking or hiding behind the networking small talk.
No more questioning yourself.
No more trying to be perfect.

Perfect doesn’t exist. When you hear that internal voice, remember the imposter in you is a reminder that you’re hitting on a place that makes you uncomfortable. On the other side of that discomfort is growth. Strive for progress over perfection instead and let your inner voice guide you in the right direction.

Geri earned a Fine Art and Marketing degree from Florida State University and owns Painting with a Twist in Jacksonville, FL. She's devoted to self-improvement using psychology and holistic approaches to help make the world a better place through conversation and connection and runs The Glowing Self, a mental-health and wellness-focused website and community forum. When she’s not slinging paint or doting on her adorable pup, Stella, you can find Geri supporting local businesses, advocating for causes she believes in, or winning handily at board games. Follow her on Instagram @authentically.gdb