by Krystina Wales

I have never “networked” a day in my life. 

OK—we all know that’s not completely true, but I can tell you, with certainty, it sure doesn’t feel like I have.

The word “networking” conjures up lots of anxiety for most people. Who do I talk to? How do I know what to say or who to approach? Where do I go to meet people? How do I even know what I need from them?

Frankly, the answers to those questions don’t matter much. Networking is all about building intentional relationships, and that can manifest in many different ways—sometimes even in ways you don’t expect or plan for.

Attending grad school, volunteering, and working side hustles have all led me to other opportunities—some of which didn’t last long, but the relationships I made through them have. Just like with friendships, some connections have died off over time; others have remained solid and consistent, ones I can return to even after years of being away.

Be the CEO of your network, taking stock of who you know and the types of people you want to acquire moving forward. Don’t be discouraged if your network isn’t vast. It’s not about having a big network, but rather about being connected to the right people. Countless loose relationships that don’t quite fit your goals aren’t as beneficial as having several key relationships with influencers who can get you where you want to go.

It will be helpful to be strategic about who you know and organize your connections into four main categories. If you already have a lot of connections and feel overwhelmed by maintaining them all, really give some thought to who serves you and consider focusing on those relationships more heavily.

(1) Standard connections are ones you have by default: extended family and coworkers, for example. They come with the territory and you maintain relationships with them to function in everyday life while (2) Social connections are ones you have for fun (mainly friends). There is the possibility they both could offer you something professionally, but that’s not the main goal of being connected to them. 

(3) Serendipitous are those connections you acquire quite by accident but are certainly worth hanging on to. It could be someone you meet in a coffee shop or sitting in the mechanic’s waiting room while your car is getting an oil change. Over the years, I have developed a relationship with one of my bank tellers. During serendipitous connections, I love to explore those stories that sound like an IRL Google deep-dive. (For example, I was working with TheSkimm on a voting campaign and wanted to learn more about the community manager’s credentials. Turns out, she was interviewed for a site called Babes Who Hustle.)

These connections should be cultivated over time in the same way you maintain (4) strategic connections. However, strategic connections are where you should place your focus because, it takes work to build this category—but they will become your most valuable. 

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Most nonprofits have a board of directors, made up of volunteers who advise and are fiscally and operationally responsible for the organization and its outcomes. In order to build a dynamic and influential board of directors, there must be diversity, both in thought and skill set. 

A good nonprofit can function with a group of like-minded people—say, 10 white men in their forties who all work in finance. But when a marketing dilemma arises, how would they solve the problem? They will likely need to go outside the circle for counsel or retain a contractor to fix the problem. However, when a board is made up of a mix of men, women, people of color; more seasoned professionals and those new to the workforce; people who work in finance, law, marketing, or are entrepreneurs, work can get accomplished more effectively and efficiently.

Think of your strategic network as a board of directors. When searching out new connections, assess the connections you already have and locate people who fill in the gaps of knowledge you know you need to fill to move forward.

Those gaps might not even be in the demographic profile. You might have several thought leaders in your network who have led teams for several years, but you want to talk to someone who is a year out from learning how to manage people to give you the scoop on how to manage that transition. You might have several people in your circle whom you know can connect you to your next career opportunity because they know everyone in your city, but maybe you want someone to just evaluate your resume with a fine tooth comb. 

A board of directors whose life experiences are diverse can also be beneficial because it will open you up to perspectives you haven’t considered or evaluated. This kind of mentorship might not be what you are looking for initially, but it will certainly grow you as a leader professionally and personally. 

Look for all of those gaps in your current network, identify people who can fill them and don’t be afraid to ask for informational interviews over coffee or even try to catch them at a networking event to intentionally introduce yourself. Being intentional about who you want to meet at an event makes networking less overwhelming and scary. There is no right way to go about the business of networking. Be your authentic self with people you meet and be open about your intentions. But also ensure you can bring something to the table as well. 

I have been connected to people for many years and every so often, I send them an email to catch up. I check in on them, their kids, their business. I use them as a vendor or I send them an article they might find helpful. It keeps me top of mind (but is also somewhat self-serving). I don’t want them to dread seeing my name pop up in their inbox or on their phone because they automatically assume I’m asking for something.

Cultivating your own ability to be a strategic connection is just as important as building your own. Not every connection is going to stick and remember they take time to build. If you are struggling with networking, think of the friendships you have built and how special they are now.

Over time, your professional network will feel just as rewarding.

Krystina spends her days in donor engagement and communication for a healthcare organization in Baltimore, which she considers the best job in fundraising, and she is also deeply committed to volunteering in Baltimore City. But her favorite roles are wife and mom. When she is not adventuring with her two daughters, she is in perpetual search of a really good cup (read: pot) of coffee or mastering her life goal of crafting the perfect charcuterie board.