5 Negotiation Strategies to Use on Your Boss (Or Your Toddler)
by Krystina Wales
Work-life balance is a unicorn. It doesn’t exist. All of it blends together and we can’t separate it, like a good Thanksgiving dinner. Instead of viewing this as a negative, I revel when I can take advantage of work-life synergy, using tactics from my personal life at work and vice versa.
Take negotiations as an example. Whether I’m negotiating with my toddler to get her to behave or negotiating with my boss for a career advancement, I only have to remember one approach (which is good, because I have very little space left in my brain to toss between one set of rules and another). Here are five techniques I use in the boardroom and the playroom.
(1) Practice and patience (and practice patience)
When you walk into a negotiation with your boss, you have to be prepared with data points and explanations for why you deserve that raise or promotion, and the only way to feel confident and effective in that preparation is practice. (Disciplining a toddler takes practice, too.)
When in the negotiation process, patience is key. You might be gunning for that promotion—or bedtime—but waiting for the right time to have a discussion yields much better results. When your boss is in the middle of a stressful project or has a lot on her plate, it might not be the best time to bring up concerns. You aren’t going to get her best self. (Much like trying to talk to a toddler at bedtime, before naptime, or when they are hungry is most likely not going to get you anywhere.)
I once scheduled an important meeting with my boss, set to take place right after a board meeting she had been preparing for for weeks. The reaction of the board could have gone one of two ways, and I was fully prepared with an excuse to cancel our meeting if the board meeting went sideways. My preparation was because I wanted as open of a mind and heart as I could get for the conversation, and I knew if the board didn’t respond well, she would be stressed and distracted. Canceling would give her the space to breathe and decompress, and leave my discussion for a more appropriate time.
(2) Be clear about what you want
Know exactly what you’re asking for, and don’t let that goal out of sight. If you come out the gate with a range instead of a hard salary increase, it leaves room for management to shortchange you—just like not being clear about your expectations for toddler behavior can leave room for pushing boundaries. Know your worth (or your expectations) and don’t be afraid to ask for it.
(3) Shut up and listen
Once you’ve made your case, let management speak (and really listen). I’ve been with the same company for six years; some raises and promotions I have asked for and I’ve received, and others I haven’t. The results have been for different reasons. Sometimes, my boss had a different idea about where she was taking the team and how I fit into it.
My idea of my job is siloed; I’m not thinking about the larger team, but that’s her job. If my idea of what advancement looks like doesn’t fit in with her overall goals, she can’t (and shouldn’t) honor it. It’s important to listen and be open to a different perspective than you were prepared for going in.
If my daughter is acting out, sometimes it’s because she’s just having a day, and other times it’s because she’s sick, tired, or hangry. It makes it so much easier to manage the behavior if I pay attention to cues and listen to her rather than trying to force my agenda because “I’m the parent.”
(4) Prepare for the worst, but expect the best
Even with all of your preparation and careful planning, the boss might not be in a position to meet your request. Be prepared to not get exactly what you want (it’s called negotiating for a reason). Once you’ve expressed your desires and listened to her position, carefully consider where you are willing to draw the line. Maybe it’s a little less than you were hoping with the promise of a reevaluation in six months. Maybe it’s not quite the promotion you were expecting, but you can add some extra job responsibilities. Regardless, negotiating isn’t about getting exactly what you ask for, every time. It’s about a push and pull that results in acceptable compromise.
Not every disciplinary endeavor with my daughter goes as planned. Sometimes, it’s an easy request to cease behavior and there’s little-to-no pushback. Other times, I have to nurse my upper thigh from all the kickbacks. Either way, it’s a learning experience and I make some headway.
(5) Be willing to walk away
If you aren’t getting what you want, don’t be afraid to walk away. If you really feel strongly you deserve what you’re asking for but aren’t getting, you might consider looking for other employment. But don’t be afraid to just ask for some time to consider management’s offer.
Walking away from a toddler’s tantrum is sometimes the only thing that gets it to stop. But ignoring a tantrum is a strategic decision in and of itself, and usually produces the result I wanted in the first place.
As a parent, you are the authority. As an employee, it might not feel like you have the upperhand. While you can’t control some aspects of your career trajectory—just like I can’t control another human being—you do have the authority over your life. You control your performance, your goals, and where you want to go. You know the power of your capabilities. Know your worth and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want—but also know respect and being a good listener are essential to getting there.
Krystina spends her days in donor engagement and communication for a healthcare organization in Baltimore, which she considers the best job in fundraising, and she is also deeply committed to volunteering in Baltimore City. But her favorite roles are wife and mom. When she is not adventuring with her two daughters, she is in perpetual search of a really good cup (read: pot) of coffee or mastering her life goal of crafting the perfect charcuterie board.
