“Do You Even Live Here?”
by Lena Malorodova
“Why do you even have an apartment?” “You’re throwing away money!” “Why not just move to where your project is?” “You could live with your parents.” “Do you even live here?”
The number of times I’ve had these phrases thrown at me in the last three years is probably equal to the number of times I’ve gotten on a plane for work (i.e. too many to count). The minute someone realizes I travel for work and spend a grand total of three days a week at home, they begin implyingI haven’t thought through my options. Why wouldn’t I move to where my project is instead of living in a different city? Have I considered how much money I could be saving, either by living with my parents or relocating for convenience to my project site.
Objectively, I understand the confusion. It seems absurd that I would spend a month’s worth of rent on what often comes down to less than 15 days a month in my home. But when somebody starts joking, “You don’t even live here,” I don’t think they recognize just how hard that hits.
I’ve been traveling as a consultant for about three years now, and in the first year I struggled. I felt like I was throwing away money on rent for an apartment I was never in, I wasn’t in town for all the happy hours and intramural sports leagues I wanted to join, I couldn’t just call a friend to go grab coffee on a whim. I traveled to the middle of nowhere for work, and I felt out of place everywhere. I was constantly exhausted because I felt like I had to catch up on all of the things I was missing during the week, so I would triple and quadruple book my weekends to make sure I wasn’t falling out of touch with friends. And every time somebody joked, “You don’t live here, just move to where your project is,” it brought me down even more.
It took me a while to realize I needed to reframe how I was looking at my career and my life. I still travel for work, but I’ve found the things that create balance and make it feel as fulfilling as possible.
(1) I live in a new (to me), bangin’ apartment in Washington, D.C. For a long time, I struggled with the idea of getting the apartment I wanted, because it would be expensive and I wouldn’t even be there to enjoy it. Saving money is always the priority, right? But moving into a space 100 percent my own brings with it a sense of peace and belonging that I didn’t have when I first started my job. If I would be willing to spend this much on rent as a full-time resident, then I shouldn’t let my job requirements stop me from spending that same money—it’s a sunk cost, and the benefit it’s had on my outlook is significant.
(2) I use fitness apps like ClassPass to make sure I have access to gyms and boxing studios wherever work and life takes me. I love the variety of classes I get to choose from without having to join multiple gyms in each city I find myself traveling to, which ensures I don’t sacrifice my well-being because of travel demands.
3) I use my phone (as an actual phone). Strange as it may seem in this day and age, I’ve always genuinely enjoyed talking to people on the phone, and I’ve started gently forcing this habit on my friends. No, I may not be in town all the time, but if they’re sitting on their couch and I’m sitting in my hotel room, I’ll just go ahead and FaceTime them. Why not? It’s such an easy thing to do without necessarily planning, but we still feel like we get the opportunity to catch up on life past surface-level check-ins. It’s made me feel more connected to everyone, and it can be such a refreshing change of pace when I’m on-site in work mode 24/7.
4) I’ve learned to say no (sort of). I used to think I had to agree to everything—projects at work or plans with friends, no matter what. If I didn’t say yes, I’d be missing out on even more! But I’ve realized drawing a line can be necessary, and it doesn’t make me less of an employee or less of a friend. You do what you have to do to take care of yourself, and sometimes that means dedicating a weekend to sitting on the couch and binge-watching the shows you’re months behind on. Am I great at saying no? Not quite, but I’m learning to recognize where that line is for me.
Technically nothing has changed—I’m still in town three days a week, on average. I still have to fly to work. But making these little changes in my perspective has helped me feel much more grounded and content, so that when friends joke, “Do you even live here?”
I just tell them to come over and sit on my couch—it kind of speaks for itself.
Lena is a Senior Consultant at IBM. She moved to Washington, D.C. after graduating from the University of Maryland where she studied International Business and Economics. You’ll often find her at an airport—traveling both for work and to fulfill her lifelong quest to find the best cafés around the world. At home, most of her time is spent watching Friends, reading, or wandering the city (with a cup of coffee in-hand, of course).
