Michaela Love

When I was a freshman in high school, my mother took me for my first drive behind the wheel. We were in the back of a church parking lot, and the whole time was spent giving my poor mother whiplash while I drove no faster than 15 miles per hour. At the end, I locked the keys in her van while it was still running. The whole situation was awkward and embarrassing for my little 14-year-old self, and I developed an anxiety related to driving that carried over for many years. When I turned 16, it felt like everyone was asking me about my license. “Oh—I don’t have it,” I’d say. I was immediately met with confused expressions. As a teenager, I had no obligation to explain this to people—yet there was a part of me that felt as though I needed to, because a 16-year-old is “supposed” to be able to drive. Being a junior in high school without a license made me feel like I was behind.

At 21 years old, I had so many people tell me they were married by my age. “Happy Birthday! This could be the year you find someone!” Then, there was my least favorite type of inquiry: people asking about my accomplishments shortly after college. I had recently turned 23, and started to feel ashamed that I had not yet found my dream job. People kept asking me what was next, and if I would be looking for a better paying job. I was still living with my parents, and I began to feel embarrassed. I began to compare myself to others my age who had been able to move out and pay their own bills.

A lot of us look at milestones (such as getting our driver’s licenses, getting married, graduating college, or having kids) and attach an age to them. If a person is “too old” and has not achieved milestone X or Y, the judgment starts. Society has created an expectation of when we need to reach life's many mile-markers. If you’re young and have accomplished something, people are waiting for you to fail. If you are older and have yet to accomplish something, you are falling behind. But whether or not someone has reached one of these mil- markers has less to do with age than it does with the person.

Everyone’s life (and the paths they take) is unique. Some people get married at 19; others are single and traveling the world at 42. People have children when they are single or in their twenties, and some people have been married for 20 years and are childless. Undergrads get promoted and 55-year-olds start their career.

Author Macaela Mackenzie wrote an article for “Women’s Health,” exploring why millennials are getting married later in life. “According to experts, age is just a number” she says. And she goes on to talk about how, if we expect our lives to change after each birthday, we will be waiting for a very long time. While the article addresses the discrepancy from the perspective of relationships, the principle applies to many more areas in a person’s journey. If you look at our age as a way to get closer to a goal, you might not see the results you want. Stop looking at you life as a checklist, and start viewing it as an adventure.

Reflecting on the times in my life when I have been society’s version of “behind” brought a realization: Those were some of the best times of my life. Yes, they were stressful—but they were seasons when I focused on myself. Without those moments, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Instead of focusing on where my life should have been, I focused on where my life needed to be, and it got me to where I am.

If you feel as though you’ve fallen behind, or that you are too young to achieve anything—know you are right where you’re meant to be. Your circumstances will constantly shift and change, and much of it will be out of your control. What you can instead focus on is how hard you work, and what kind of person you want to become—and that type of hard work on yourself is something that can be done at any age.

Michaela Love works with Rethreaded and is passionate about mental health. On a normal day, you can find her watching The Office for the 47th time or rating a recently watched movie on the Letterboxd app.