How to Deal with Unhelpful Feedback
Yes, there is such a thing as bad feedback—but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn from it
by Mandy Shold
It’s time to talk about my favorite f-word: feedback.
Whether it’s getting an assignment back bleeding red with track changes or having time put on your calendar will the sole purpose of discussing your performance, we all have the same gut instinct: your stomach drops, shoulders tighten, and feelings of anger or anxiety immediately wash over you. (And all of that before you even have time to process or read the feedback itself.)
This isn’t going to be some fluffy, encouraging piece preaching about how feedback is a gift. There is such a thing as bad feedback, or vague feedback, or completely irrational feedback. I’m not going to excuse any of the bad managers you’ve had along the way. Only 35 percent of managers in the United States are engaged in their work, and half of us have been forced to quit a job to escape a bad manager? I get it—I’ve been one of those 50 percent.
But feedback is only the first half of the equation. The way you react? Well, that’s up to you.
At some point in our careers, most of us will have encountered specific, instructive feedback that helped us improve—from a teammate, a teacher, or a coach. But for every great piece of feedback we’ve gotten along the way, we’ve likely also encountered “bad” feedback. This unhelpful commentary can be categorized in three ways: the nonexistent, the vague, and the aggressive.
The nonexistent:
This is the easiest type of feedback to recognize—in that there is no feedback. You likely sent something up the chain and never heard back. Either your work was impeccable and you have absolutely no room for improvement (unlikely) or someone just didn’t prioritize getting you the feedback you deserved. Either way, the onus falls on you to track down some actionable notes.
Why you’re getting this feedback (or lack thereof): Most of the time, feedback was minimal enough to not warrant a response. But sometimes people are moving too fast to give you feedback, or they felt it was easier to just handle edits themselves rather than coach you up. Either way, you’ll want to get to the bottom of why you’re not getting feedback and how you can improve.
How to move forward: This depends on what you’re asking for feedback on but, if timing has been an issue, make sure you wait until things calm down before asking for feedback again. Set up some time informally—either as a one-on-one or over coffee—to chat through feedback and see if they can send over any final materials so you can come prepared. Still not getting feedback? Try having a peer or other team member proof your work and proactively coming with alternate ideas or suggested edits to show you’re invested in your own improvement.
The vague:
Have you ever received something back and realized all of the comments were questions? Or the comments were so vague, you could take them and apply them to anything, from your font choice to the outfit you wore presenting? (This kind of feedback is especially if you’re a woman; research has shown women are more likely to receive vague feedback than men.)
Why you’re getting this feedback: This one is tricky. Sometimes it’s a young or shy manager who hasn’t quite mastered direct, actionable feedback. Other times, it’s a manager who’s trying to push or challenge you to perform better. Either way, it’s frustrating.
How to move forward: When it comes to vague feedback, don’t be afraid to push back! Ask for specific examples, ask people how they would do things differently, and don’t be afraid to push for a concrete answer. But whatever you do, make sure you come prepared. Whether they’re looking to test you or just blissfully unaware, having concrete thoughts before your follow up will push them to give more succinct feedback the next time around.
The aggressive:
Don’t you love when someone else’s bad day turns your work week sour? You’ll know this feedback when you see it. It’s usually inflated, disproportional, and sometimes even personal. Does reading about this already make your blood boil? Take a deep breath (and maybe a lap) before jumping into why you’re getting this feedback and how to combat it.
Why you’re getting this feedback: First you need to understand that this type of feedback is rarely about you. It’s usually the result of someone else’s emotions—personally or professionally. Maybe they got harsh feedback from their boss, or maybe they missed their bus, stepped in gum, and got dumped all in the same morning. Either way, it’s important to remove yourself from the situation before you move forward.
How to move forward: After some deep breathing and optional laps around the parking lot, it’s time to think about the small part of this feedback that might be about you. Hold on! Before I lose you, I understand their response was likely emotional, but it’s time to put on your Sherlock Holmes cap and connect the dots. Have you received similar feedback in the past, from them or other teammates? Take a minute before you respond and be sure to ask specific, clarifying questions. Still getting the same responses? Set up some time to talk face-to-face and come with a lot of questions. Ease into the conversation and you’ll usually get the feedback you deserved in the first place.
Poor criticism is the worst, and it’s not your fault. But understand that the difference between criticism and feedback isn’t based on what you received, but how you move forward. Criticism is based on a fixed mindset—you find yourself feeling angry, embarrassed, maybe even defeated. But feedback is rooted in growth, and understanding that you actually have something to learn.
Look, you can run from it - and I completely understand the instinct. Your coworkers need to learn how to give better feedback and your manager needs to learn how to, well, manage. But here’s another option: rise above. Learn from their reactions (even the ones that aren’t ideal) and give appropriate feedback on your feedback. Be better than those reviewing you, and give better reviews to your junior teammates in the future. The best form of revenge is just being better than revenge. Learn from their mistakes; and turn their bad feedback into a learning opportunity for you and everyone around you.
Mandy spends her days working in public relations, specializing in sustainability and corporate responsibility - a job which not only fuels her soul but also pays her San Francisco rent. She spends her (virtually nonexistent) free time exploring the Bay Area craft beer scene, working on her rock collection, and wishing her cat would be the big spoon sometimes. For additional sass and details of her life held together by caffeine and dry shampoo, follow her on twitter @WayToRepresent.
